Welcome to Vietnam, a country with great hospitality, nice weather, beaches all around you, locals smiling at you just to make you buy the wares, coupled with girls and a lot of headache giving expats. I wrote about the girls,and thanks to the Doynews editor, now let's talk about the different kind expats you will find in Vietnam.
If the shoe does fit you, please put it on, and walk on the red carpet.....
Picture for illustration purposes only; Photo credit: Scott in Kabul
The School/English Centre Teachers: These ones are the most common people in Vietnam, and even though they might not be highly regarded back home, they seem to have an ego here, maybe it is because of the Vietnamese girls now boosting their ego, nobody knows, or the Vietnamese parents that worship their skin colour.
These types of foreigners have made it so impossible for Vietnamese to separate the wheat from the chaff, as everybody believes all foreigners are English teachers.
These English teacher probably have no school degree, They have only been to Thailand to get TEFL or whatever their certification in a month of two, "Thank God he is white", he will get jobs here easily.
Arguing with these English teacher is the best way to waste your time. Remember my first description of these English teacher in the first paragraph....Most of them belong to a group in Hanoi called "Hanoi Massive".
A lot of them were only backpackers that decided to make some cash before moving on again...so don't argue with them, I once met one arguing over 5,000 Vietnamese dong which is less than quarter of a dollar , i gave up on him because he was calling the conductor a scammer... Lol
Facebook Troll: I don't want to point fingers, but they know themselves. You will find a lot of them on Facebook, and they are ready to help, you will find them in every comments section in the Expats In Ho Chi Minh, Hanoi Massive or even Da Nang/Hoi An expats.
The troll has nothing to do, he is probably asking money from home, or just a retired civil servant that get paid from his home country. Nothing to do everyday, so the best way to go about is day is by going on Facebook, and insults people's intelligence.
The troll will write a 9 paragraphs line, and you just feel like telling them they are "oxygen thieves", because arguing with them is a complete time waster. They have nothing to offer, what they need is just to do something till the day runs out, and go drink beer at the local beer oi corner after 6pm-4am.
A dude on Expats in Ho Chi Minh (No Name please) is in this category, he can write nonsense for days, looks like a viet-kieu (am not sure) but he believes he knows everything, and will tell you how he had travelled to gain experience, and you are only in Vietnam. It will be worse if you are a Vietnamese, he will tear you to pieces with nonsense comment...
Best Quote For A Troll: Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
Facebook Helper/Facebook Bully/Facebook Idiot: I should have added these people as trolls, but while a troll is stupid and he doesn't know it, as he believes he is only helping, these sets of Facebook bullies will make life in Vietnam a living hell.
The Facebook bullies are in the Da Nang part of the country, when you visit, Da Nang/Hoi An Expats Facebook page, you will find them lurking around there, they have been blocked by a lot of expats who had visited that page, including myself the writer of this article. They are also trolls, when you arrive arrive Da nang, they will offer help, and you feel like home...hahahaha....that is a smokescreen.
The bullies torment the admin of that group(a lady) till she drops her mantle of power, and handed it over to a local to manage the same group created for expats. The other admin of the group blocks people he doesn't like outside of Facebook, this is a win for this admin. So get help elsewhere if you can.
The most funny thing is that this set of groups has their cliques, so if you go for one, they will all come after you, and your person/family will be the talk of the town, and how cocky it is you are.
They have bullied a lot of people into blocking them, they will talk to you as they believed they know more than you, especially if you are new, if you try to go out of the zone they kept you, you are their next target.
A recent issue happened and a man and his family had to leave Da Nang to Chiang Mai, Thailand, after a lot of these bullies attacked him..
Picture credit : Taco Fleur
If you are the emotional type of person, make sure you know what you are doing before joining the Da Nang/Hoi An Expats Facebook page, they will ruin your Da nang trip for you. Websites in these cities are better, send email to administrators of websites supporting expats in the Danang/Hoi An area, not the above Facebook page.
Read the story of Taco, an athlete that was living in Da Nang with his family, before these Facebook trolls came after him. Check some articles about Mr Fleur experience in Da nang via his website here
Hey Taco---This is me, saying Hi....
The Lonely Westerner (Women) : The lonely westerner is a very arrogant and also a complainer, she had left the shore of her country, hoping to start a new life, and hopefully thinks she will meet other expat to date/marry in Vietnam, unfortunately, expats (men) in Vietnam don't take a second look at the other westerner(women) in Vietnam, they absolutely prefer the slim, good looking Vietnamese lady.
Picture for illustration purposes only; Photo credit: Thomas Wanhoff
Instead of taking it out on herself, she complains every time at the bar or the corner shop of what men see in Vietnamese girls. Most of these women also get jealous as Vietnamese ladies stay winning on the relationship angle.
After few years in Vietnam, they find a Vietnamese boy and hook him up...It sometimes is a mutual relationship, the boy gives her the D, and she does all the shopping and spending.
The Vietnam Stone Age Talkative: These types of expats are what you call the perfectionist. They have left Europe, America and God Knows where, and will come to Vietnam to complain about everything.
These expats will complain about the hair in their food at a $1 restaurant they had visited, yes,it is your right, don't make it look like that deserve a death penalty. They will complain about the noise in their backyard as Vietnamese families mourn their loved ones who passed (Call 119 or 911). They will complain about the Vietnamese driving expensive cars, and that is an abomination because they should only use bicycle and motorbikes.
These expats will complain about almost anything and they are not always joking, they are quick to say "Vietnamese are f***king stupid or without manners". These types of expats resides in Saigon, expats in HCMC.
They want to tell Vietnamese how to live, how to talk, how to drink coffee, why they should not mourn their dead, and they must not sing Karaoke after 9pm or not to sing Karaoke to pass their loved ones to heaven.
When you tell them, this is Vietnamese culture and they should respect it, then they will go ahead and tell you how they have helped the country better than you, or tell you how much their government are spending, and they have a say (clowns) then end it by calling you a "Coward".
The Vietnamese Supporters ( The Vietnamese Stone Age Replier) : Yaaaay, When Devil created Osama, God created Obama that will tackle him till he is resting at the sea. The same goes to the talkative that complains about everything.
The Vietnamese supporters are ready to lock horns with the Vietnam Stone Age Talkative, the supporter has a phrase they use "If you don't like it here, go back home, this is Vietnam". The supporters also garnered massive support from the locals as well, especially the Vietnamese ladies, whom we all know to be smart and defensive. These supporters are just random people, but we love them. Don't You?
The Expats With Bad Ladies Experience (Loser)/Sexpats : These expats are losers and they can't score a lady from their own home country, nobody likes a loser. So, YOLO (You Only Live Once), these expats have known they are not good with scoring girls back home, so they checked Vietnam and having noticed what some other losers have written online about Vietnamese girls, they decided to try their luck.
Most of them have seen things like ; You could score girls when you are rich/white, OH Sweet Jesus, so, the the loser packed his bag and moved to Vietnam, he will say to himself :
1: Have some money in your bank---Check
2: I am white : Check
He will then go to a bar in Pham Ngu Lao (Saigon), hoping to score all the girls with what he read online, luckily for him, some beautiful Vietnamese girls with bare back nakedness and red lips walk up to him, and things got so good, he scored his first goal. It keeps happening till he got one that looks like he could start a family. Most of these ladies have learned English to help them communicate in public with these set of foreigners, no Educational background, they are only hustlers in a sheep's clothing.
After marriage, the whole stupidity comes out, and the Vietnamese girl told him about a dying grandma, about buying her a house and a new ox for her parents. He knows it is time to move on, and he had married a hustler.
So this same man with bad woman taste, will then start shouting on Facebook about how dirty the Vietnamese girls can be, how they have been scammed and all that nonsense. They will warn you, don't date Vietnamese girl, she will ruin you.
First, let me tell you, any girl in any part of the world will ruin you. (I stand to be corrected), but the real Vietnamese ladies don't stay up all night drinking with a man he only met few hours ago, but in the loser's mind, she is with him because he is white, and rich. The hustler will give you the much sex you never had back home, and later gives you the imaginary bill
A lot of Vietnamese are happily married to foreigners, and they all have 2-3 kids, and their relationship is solid. So stop whining of the girls, and dude, you are not even rich anyway, a rich man can never fall to a girl demanding list. You have "Mo", you don't have "Ney" Go figure.
And to add this to it : The best person to scam is a fool, because if you don't scam a fool, can you scam a smart person? (No, am not encouraging scam, Go figure).
The Aggressive Competitors : There are some business owners that hate new expats bringing up their business in Vietnam. Maybe it is them being envious or jealous. They will kill your business before it rises up. They will discuss on how they can draw your business down, and never see the light of the day.
These people will congratulate you on your new business opening, but will strangle the business at your back, and any day you try identifying these, they will come over to Facebook and write all about how sh***ty the business is anyway.
They hate competitors or when other expats are trying to do something new.
Joey Arnold Expats: Joey Arnold is a an American expats in Saigon that nobody understands. He goes from pillar to pole trying to feel relevant and claims that he is an English teacher. A lot of people have given him different names, and he had been blocked severally different expats Facebook page.
A lot of expats (even some locals, but this is not about locals) are in Joey Arnold group. These sets of expats will ask you where they could get salt and fish in a district in Saigon. They will ask you how to go from district 7 to the airport for 30,000 Vietnamese dong ($1), a 14.2/17Km journey...
These are the group of Joey Arnold, they don't even know it..
The Nice/Supportive/NGO supporters: This article will be useless if we focus the whole energy on the bad eggs and not removing the wheat from the chaff. The good expats are also everywhere in major cities. You will have them in Hanoi, Da Nang, Saigon. Note that they are also in small towns around too, I met some on recommendations in Hoi An during my last trip.
They are owners of NGO, restaurants and more. Just go to a western-owned restaurants and talk to them about suggestion, i remembered a lady drawing me a map in Hoi An during our visit, she doesn't even know me. And some will introduce you to other good expats like themselves. So we have the good ones in Vietnam too.
You can meet great people in Ha Noi, you should check the nice places to meet this people if you need help, or sometimes better off with a young Vietnamese, trust me, they are always helpful to new people around.
Saigon is a mixed town, so you can run into a kid in a grown man body or a grown man with mature mind. The good thing here is that the admin of Expats in Ho Chi Minh clamps down on trolls and mature too, if you are OK yourself, and respect people, he will cut off trolls from you, he warns trolls and idiots, and use something he called "Ban Hammer" when he sees anyone to that acts up as Boris Johnson
All the good expats are here, they are around, they are around you, but might take another good person to recommend them, as they hide from all the people above too, that is why you should talk to someone...
But the bad eggs are more than the good ones...#Fact
If you need recommendation, we will give you some that could help you, some website to visit..Just comment below, and we will check it out.
Do You agree with this list, what other group of expats did we miss, please write to us or comment below : Hen gap lai
Share please and where do you belong. If the shoe fits, please wear it and walk on the Vietnam red carpet....