dating and single

These questions are often asked about who should pay on the first date, the lady or the man, and while I don't intend to give a straight answer on the topic, I will share different point of views to answer this question, and hopefully at the end of the whole epistle, you make your decision.

If you noticed the title of the article, it says "The Lady Or The Man," and not the boy or the girl. To be able to put this into perspective, I believe going out on a date is a privilege for two strangers to come around and get to know each other, it is an opportunity for both sides.


This is a meeting that could re-define a future for either for the two minds, but when the time is up, and the bill is shown, who should bring out their wallet?

In my "opinion", I will say the Man, You can spin it all you want, but as a man, if you go out with a girl, and you want to share the bill of $10-$50 with a lady, then you might still need to work harder, and not looking  to get a date.

I am not judgmental right now, before going out on a date, as a smart man, check how much money is with you, be ready or make sure you have arranged or know a spot that will align with your budget, and don't go to any high end that will make you whine after the date, don't swerve, stay in your lane..

The next question is who are you going out with? 

Let me be clear, you will end up with losses if your mission is to please your new girlfriend, because for the rest of the relationship, you will be fighting to keep the standard you had raised for yourself on the first date. Some girls are also out there just to embarrass you, they are the girls that will bring a friend or two on a first date.

So before you step out of the room, make sure you know exactly who you are going to meet, and be sure you are the one picking the spot you going, unless the one she had chose is great or save on your first date. 

I have seen boys splitting the bill of $6 with their date, why I won't judge them, I think it is a bad move. The girl will show you how great of a date it is, but no way in you will be getting a second date, as she will remain busy for as long as you keep calling.

The Ladies

While the dude is willing to pay, to stay classy or look responsible on the first date, always try to show gesture towards paying the bills. 

I went out with a girl thrice, the first time, She chooses a high end restaurant, also this is a very awesome lady, or so I thought. We ended up in a restaurant, and while I had ordered something of $14, she ordered something of $28.

I was happy to pay, but the problem I noticed was while we were talking, and the waitress brought the bill, and for some reasons gave it to her, she just collected the bill, and passed it straight at me, she did not even try to see what was in the bill, she just handed it over to me.

I was a little surprised while she would do such. Then on the second date, I believed the previous one was a mistake, as usual, she ordered more food than myself, and when the bill was shown to her, she told the waitress to hand it over to me.

On the third date, It was 8am, I was on my bed when my phone rang,

Me: Hello, how are you lady

Girl: Fine, what are you doing?

Me: Just laying on bed, and watching the fan rotates.

Girl: Can I invite you for drinks, would be great to meet.

Me: (feeling happy) YeaH, sure, send me your address.

I went there on her invitation, she was having her drinks. Ordered mine, and was all good, few minutes after, the waitress brought the bill, and she pointed at me once more, this is just after 15mins after I arrived at the coffee spot.

This is when it dawns on me that this girl might just have called me to come sort out her bill, early Sunday morning. Oh Lord..... That was our last meeting....Never chatted or talk again.

The reason for the short story is that guys feel used when you act like you don't care. It is not anybody's right to pay for the food you eat, or the drinks you had. 

A dude trying to man up, and pay for your drinks is only trying to be polite, the last thing you want to do is show disrespect. It is a good idea to show gesture, bring out your purse, if you have cash, bring it out, show that you want to pay. A great guy will decline.

Sometimes, try to fight it out a little, offer to share the payment with your date. Don't just sit down like a log of wood like its a norm for someone to pay for you.

Girls Bad Move/Men Response

Some girls can be funny sometimes, because when you invite them for a date, they bring their friends. 

Girls like this needs a tutorial, or a dictionary to find the meaning of the word "Dating"

I was recently asked what I would do if a girl bring a friend or two to the dating scene, and once again in my personal opinion, this is not a date, but a meet-up. If it is the first meeting, and she brings somebody to the meet-up, and she sits down with her, order her food.

We will all contribute, I will bring my wallet, see what I ordered, and request they do the same. I have done this before, and won't hesitate to do it again. 


When you decide to go on a date with someone, as a man, please don't expect sex or anything in return. If at all your mission is sex, at least keep that thought away on the first date. Go on a date to know your partner first.

The only reason you would be mad, angry and complain about a date is if you had high expectations, which you shouldn't.


The question of who should pay on date will remain a debatable subject for a long time, but I believe dating should go along with the context, the perspectives and personality of whoever you plan to go on a date with. 

Be a gentleman, and pay on first dates, but if she makes no gestuere to pay, you might want to think twice about a second meeting.

Girls, if a dude ask that you share the bill, two things are involved.

1. He is not well broght up by mama

2. You did not impress him on the date, and he feels you wasted his time.

3. You came with your army of friends.


A Tinder stalker, Paul Lambert, 36, has been shot dead after he charged at police during a stop. According to the report, Paul was the former boyfriend of Angela Jay, 28, but after Angela ended her relationship with him, Paul, a banker,  will not let go and started stalking the young doctor.

Paul had travelled from his home in Sydney to  Port Macquarie and had stalked her for several days, monitoring her activities and movements.


So when he thinks he was done monitoring her, he went to her house, and ambushed her before she returned from work. When he gets hold of her, he poured petrol on her, and stabbed her multiple times.

Dr Jay was able to escape from the hold of his stalker, and ran to her neighbour's house to seek help.

According to her neighbour;

  She was extremely calm the whole time - we all kept each other calm,” one of the neighbours. When she started dozing off I just kept her talking. Asking her mundane questions. 

While she was in pain from the stabbing, Angela was also able to talk her neighbour into giving her first aid.

She was later taken to the hospital, but have since returned home and she is ok from the attack.

Police later apprehended the culprit after his tire was punctured by the officer in the town of Bonville, but he charged at the police with a knife, and since the taser failed, the officer pulled out a gun and shot at him, killing him.

According to Northern Region Command Assistant Commissioner Jeff Loy;

These are some of the jobs that we dread. The police officers come to work each day to actually help the public and save people. However, it's a sad fact that we've got a very dangerous and difficult and challenging job at times, and that is why we train our police in self-defence tactics and the deployment of weapons so that they can keep safe and keep the community safe


How is your relationship doing? a lot of boys and girls out there can't give you a yes or no answer, you notice them looking partially to the sky and saying it's complicated or I am not sure, am just seeing where it leads me. The funny thing is most of this relationship have just started, raising the question While would you be in a relationship if you don't know where it leads you.

I have written it in my past article, and I will remind you again. It is better to be single and wait for a good time to start dating than you staying in a relationship without a future or "complicated". Any relationship that is set to collapse cannot be put in place by one person, else it will eventually collapse, that is why relationship comes with feelings, and feelings have to be 100% mutual.


Self Respect: A true relationship that will last should be based on just one thing, and one thing only. Respecting each other. Most relationships fail nowadays because a lot of youths don't longer respect themselves. A lot of girls want to be with guys they will be proud to show off on Instagram and Facebook, or make their friends jealous, but forgetting the most important part of why they are dating.

So this same boy/girl after a lot of photos sharing and show off, they now realise the one of their partners is not  is not feeling the same way, and they start talking to whoever cares about their partners. The truth is that someone who loves you should be able to do what you do for them, and while this might sound senseless to you, social media might be the first step in knowing if your partner is really into you or just want to talk and talk about how they care.

If your boyfriend/girlfriend shares random pictures of girls/boys they took pictures with, but won't show yours, but giving you flimsy excuses, then you should be on a lookout.

What Do You Want: A lot of people don't even know what they want in a relationship anymore. If you are 24 years of age and you still wanting for imaginary things in relationships, then you need to wait till 30, because you still have issues.

At 24 at least, you should know what you want in a lady or a man, and stop with all the; a man with long beard, short neck and broad shoulder. Those are for 18 years teenagers. If you can't figure the actual things you want in a man. I am sorry, you will be 30 years old and will faint when you see Justin Bieber or Harry Styles because they are your crush Smile

If you don't know what you want, you will go from man to man, because they will keep coming short your imaginary fascination.

Knowing But Denying:  So most of the time, a lot of us actually knows that our relationship won't last, but it just sounds good to be in it, and keep pushing. Keep believing for the best, but the best never happens in the long run.

For example, if your girl won't stop chatting with a man, and you know it, you have told her to stop doing so, but she keeps saying, "we just friends", and asking you to relax, what should you do in this type of situation, force them to stop talking, invite the young man for coffee and see your lady and the guy's reaction.

Because most men don't want to have a drink with their rival, unless your girl is taking both of you men for a wide ride, to control the other man of meeting with you.

When your partner turns you to someone that have to tell them what do do at everytime of the day but they repeat same thing next week, such partner probably do not care about you or what you feel. 

Though sometimes you are probably dating someone that is not mature enough to date, and i won't advise you to date immature partners, because that marriage is good recipe for divorce.

Personal Opinion

Sometimes we love someone so much we can't even explain why, and we are happy to let them hurt us, while we stick to them, hoping that they will love us back. This is a risky game, and when people don't love us, they won't wake up just loving us. Nobody can pretend to love someone else.

Anyone that pretends to love you, won't mind dropping you for someone that they only admire. I have seen a young lady date a man for 3 years, while she try to please him, and hope for the best in future, but when the man and lady recently broke up, the dude picked up another lady in weeks, and of course he proposed to the new lady just three weeks of dating. Not that the other lady is not good or beautiful, but the definition of love is more than being good or giving gifts, you both feel it within you. Don't try to make yourself good, when you know it is not ok. Never force yourself on your partner, let the feelings be mutual, look into their eyes when they tell you things they want you to hear, you will see if they mean it or not.

If all you do all day is ranting or worrying about your relationship. Then you have a long way to go. Your relationship at the first year is getting to know each other, and knowing do's and don't of each other.

In the second year, you should be getting to see either you are compatible to go further with the relationship or not. If at the second year, you still are saying things you arguing about do's and don't like or don't like, and you have to rant and worry everyday, then you will never move to the next stage of the relationship, and that relationship probably won't survive too.

Have any questions? comment below...