Who Should Pay On A First Date, The Lady Or The Man

These questions are often asked about who should pay on the first date, the lady or the man, and while I don't intend to give a straight answer on the topic, I will share different point of views to answer this question, and hopefully at the end of the whole epistle, you make your decision.

If you noticed the title of the article, it says "The Lady Or The Man," and not the boy or the girl. To be able to put this into perspective, I believe going out on a date is a privilege for two strangers to come around and get to know each other, it is an opportunity for both sides.


This is a meeting that could re-define a future for either for the two minds, but when the time is up, and the bill is shown, who should bring out their wallet?

In my "opinion", I will say the Man, You can spin it all you want, but as a man, if you go out with a girl, and you want to share the bill of $10-$50 with a lady, then you might still need to work harder, and not looking  to get a date.

I am not judgmental right now, before going out on a date, as a smart man, check how much money is with you, be ready or make sure you have arranged or know a spot that will align with your budget, and don't go to any high end that will make you whine after the date, don't swerve, stay in your lane..

The next question is who are you going out with? 

Let me be clear, you will end up with losses if your mission is to please your new girlfriend, because for the rest of the relationship, you will be fighting to keep the standard you had raised for yourself on the first date. Some girls are also out there just to embarrass you, they are the girls that will bring a friend or two on a first date.

So before you step out of the room, make sure you know exactly who you are going to meet, and be sure you are the one picking the spot you going, unless the one she had chose is great or save on your first date. 

I have seen boys splitting the bill of $6 with their date, why I won't judge them, I think it is a bad move. The girl will show you how great of a date it is, but no way in you will be getting a second date, as she will remain busy for as long as you keep calling.

The Ladies

While the dude is willing to pay, to stay classy or look responsible on the first date, always try to show gesture towards paying the bills. 

I went out with a girl thrice, the first time, She chooses a high end restaurant, also this is a very awesome lady, or so I thought. We ended up in a restaurant, and while I had ordered something of $14, she ordered something of $28.

I was happy to pay, but the problem I noticed was while we were talking, and the waitress brought the bill, and for some reasons gave it to her, she just collected the bill, and passed it straight at me, she did not even try to see what was in the bill, she just handed it over to me.

I was a little surprised while she would do such. Then on the second date, I believed the previous one was a mistake, as usual, she ordered more food than myself, and when the bill was shown to her, she told the waitress to hand it over to me.

On the third date, It was 8am, I was on my bed when my phone rang,

Me: Hello, how are you lady

Girl: Fine, what are you doing?

Me: Just laying on bed, and watching the fan rotates.

Girl: Can I invite you for drinks, would be great to meet.

Me: (feeling happy) YeaH, sure, send me your address.

I went there on her invitation, she was having her drinks. Ordered mine, and was all good, few minutes after, the waitress brought the bill, and she pointed at me once more, this is just after 15mins after I arrived at the coffee spot.

This is when it dawns on me that this girl might just have called me to come sort out her bill, early Sunday morning. Oh Lord..... That was our last meeting....Never chatted or talk again.

The reason for the short story is that guys feel used when you act like you don't care. It is not anybody's right to pay for the food you eat, or the drinks you had. 

A dude trying to man up, and pay for your drinks is only trying to be polite, the last thing you want to do is show disrespect. It is a good idea to show gesture, bring out your purse, if you have cash, bring it out, show that you want to pay. A great guy will decline.

Sometimes, try to fight it out a little, offer to share the payment with your date. Don't just sit down like a log of wood like its a norm for someone to pay for you.

Girls Bad Move/Men Response

Some girls can be funny sometimes, because when you invite them for a date, they bring their friends. 

Girls like this needs a tutorial, or a dictionary to find the meaning of the word "Dating"

I was recently asked what I would do if a girl bring a friend or two to the dating scene, and once again in my personal opinion, this is not a date, but a meet-up. If it is the first meeting, and she brings somebody to the meet-up, and she sits down with her, order her food.

We will all contribute, I will bring my wallet, see what I ordered, and request they do the same. I have done this before, and won't hesitate to do it again. 


When you decide to go on a date with someone, as a man, please don't expect sex or anything in return. If at all your mission is sex, at least keep that thought away on the first date. Go on a date to know your partner first.

The only reason you would be mad, angry and complain about a date is if you had high expectations, which you shouldn't.


The question of who should pay on date will remain a debatable subject for a long time, but I believe dating should go along with the context, the perspectives and personality of whoever you plan to go on a date with. 

Be a gentleman, and pay on first dates, but if she makes no gestuere to pay, you might want to think twice about a second meeting.

Girls, if a dude ask that you share the bill, two things are involved.

1. He is not well broght up by mama

2. You did not impress him on the date, and he feels you wasted his time.

3. You came with your army of friends.